Top 5 Worst Movies of 2017

I didn’t see as many movies as I did last year mostly because everything seemed kind of shit and those are the movies you’re meant to watch to make a worst of list.

There was no way I was going to watch Transformers and support something that mostly seems to be product placement and explosions. So different  from the comics which could tell some great stories if they were made into movies. I didn’t see the last two in the cinema and I’m not going to see anymore until they completely reboot the whole thing and boot Michael Bay out. Then I’ll give it a chance but if a reboot doesn’t make it about the characters then I won’t be watching those either.

The same goes for the Emoji movie. I wasn’t supporting a cynical cash grab of what’s popular with the young people. The Lego movie was great and I liked Lego Batman but those movies have a lot to answer for in the trend they’ve set. The Angry Birds movie come to mind. Unless it’s getting great reviews about how surprisingly good it is, like the Lego movie, I’m not watching any movies based on games that don’t have a story or things you can find on your phone.

So onto the list, which is very short and not representative of what came out this year. Mostly this is just me griping about movies I hated because illness meant I didn’t do any blogging this year about movies (or anything really).

5) Justice League

I didn’t hate this movie as much as I thought I would. I even enjoyed myself a bit which I have no doubt is down to Joss Whedon taking over the project. But I don’t want to attack Zack Snyder at the moment.

I liked the Flash and Wonder Woman and the action scenes weren’t terrible. But that’s about it.

Batman v Superman is a huge shadow over this movie and they tried to retcon away parts of it but they can’t get rid of the bad taste in my mouth. It almost made me laugh when Bruce decides they have to bring Superman back from the dead because he was such a beacon of hope to the world. What movies were they watching? I think they’ve got themselves confused with every other version of Superman apart from this one. I thought they didn’t want any hope or other positive emotions in there. Isn’t this the movie universe where Zack Snyder said Bruce Wayne would be raped if he went to prison. Everything has to be dark and gritty and awful. Superhero movies aren’t fun they’ve got to be grown up and realistic. Yep those two things go together so well.

Anyway back to Justice league. I was excited for Jason Momoa to be Aquaman but this made me not want to see the Aquaman movie. I don’t have any strong feelings towards it, I just don’t think I can be bothered. Maybe the Flash movie will be good as long as he’s not as much of a screw up as the TV version (I only watch the crossovers of the Arrowverse).

All I want is another Wonder Woman movie.  I don’t care what else we get as long as we get that. Although it better be done by Patty Jenkins or another female director because there were way too many ass shots of Wonder Woman in this movie. And an up-skirt shot while she’s fighting. I’m not impressed. At all. She’s pretty much the only good thing in this movie and you’re reducing her down to her body parts.

Other than that the most disappointing part of this whole debacle is that Ben Affleck never got to be a good Batman and he looks so sad. I was actually looking forward to his version of Batman and he wasn’t bad in Batman v Superman. I liked his version of Bruce Wayne, especially when he was talking to Alfred.

But this version of Batman doesn’t fit with this retconned version of events. They’re trying to make it lighter, funnier (more MCU like) and while I find it funny when he’s lying on the floor in pain after Superman asks if he bleeds, it’s becoming satire. I’d love a parody movie making fun of superheroes but this is meant to be DC’s version of the Avengers. So it should be fun not making fun of itself. As I watched it the whole time I was painfully aware of what had come before.

The only good thing if this whole universe gets rebooted is that hopefully we’ll get a different Superman. And I don’t just mean how the character acts. I want a different actor because Henry Cavill was fine, I guess, when he was broody but trying to be normal Superman shows he’s not a very good actor.

So Justice League is a terrible mess of a movie but because it’s a bit fun it’s not as bad as Batman v Superman or Suicide Squad. That’s barely a good thing.


4) Flatliners

There’s not to much to say about this movie or at least not as much to say about it as Justice League or some of the other movies on this list.

I thought this would have something interesting to say about the afterlife and being human but I’m not sure there was anything to take away from it. Other than you shouldn’t stop your heart even in a hospital because it’s dangerous. I haven’t seen the original movie and I doubt I ever will.

It turned into a horror movie at the end which I was not expecting. The only good thing about that was my Dad hates horror movies and he had bruised ribs so every time something made him jump he was in pain. So I’d start laughing which would make him laugh and his ribs would hurt more. I’d feel bad at being a bad audience member if I thought anyone in there was invested in the movie. It was so boring.


3)Annabelle Creation

I liked The Conjuring and I was looking forward to all the sequels but not anymore.

The first Annabelle was terrible in so many ways. It was a huge let down but I still had hope for The Conjuring sequel because that’s a completely different director. Then the sequel happened and I liked it but I guess my expectations were too high because I felt disappointed. So I thought this was going to be bad and I was right.

I was bored and it left so little impact on me that I forgot I watched it until I saw another worst movie of the year list. Then I remembered my disappointment at this series. I look forward to the Insidious movies more than the next Conjuring movie and I didn’t think I’d ever say that. (I’m not saying the Insidious movies are bad. I enjoy them especially now that it’s all about Elise.)


2) Alien: Covenant

Alien is one of my favourite movies ever and so is Aliens. So do I need to explain why I hate Covenant so much? I will anyway because ranting feels good.

The most glaring error I can see with this movie is that none of the characters are memorable. They’re all meant to be couples (I think) but I have no idea who’s meant to be with who. The only way you can get to know the cast is if you watch the YouTube videos that they cut out of the movie. I’m not watching them, I’ve wasted enough of my time on this movie.

So I have no reason to care about the characters which means it’s very unlikely that it could ever move me in any way but there was still potential for an entertaining horror movie. After all I enjoyed Prometheus. It wasn’t good but it was entertaining at least. I watch loads of horror movies that have unlikable characters and they entertain me. Unfortunately this isn’t scary and it’s not entertaining.

It had potential to be a movie I could like. The trailers got me. Humans landing on an alien planet, exploring and then realising the massive amounts of danger they’re in. That is one of my favourite things.

It’s how this movie starts and I can even ignore the characters taking off their helmets even though they know nothing about the planet other than it has breathable air. Nobody’s worried about disease or viruses. Fine. I’ve adjusted my expectations to normal science fiction horror levels. Then David from Prometheus shows up and it stops being a horror movie. All tension goes out the window and I stop caring. The flute scene happens and I’m waiting until I can leave. It’s so boring.

I hate this middle ground of bringing back characters from Prometheus. I didn’t like Shaw but at least she had personality. I was kind of interested in her search for why the engineers created humans and then tried to kill them.

The main character we’re meant to root for this time has no personality. She’s just a cheap Ripley clone. I’m tired of writers thinking they can just make their main character female and that suddenly makes them interesting. There are strong female characters everywhere. What I mean when I say that phrase is that I want complex female characters. We need complex characters male or female and that is exactly the opposite of what we get here.

The worst part is that this is a beautiful movie and could have been so much more. Unfortunately it’s all surface. There’s nothing deeper even if they’re trying to pretend there is by that opening scene where David talks to his creator. They should have cut that instead of the character stuff with the cast.


1)The Greatest Showman

This movie feels like an insult. They take a conman who exploited disabled people for money and make him the hero.

What makes it worse is that they made it in 2017. The year of Trump and Nazis and things just generally getting worse for marginalised people. They make the bad guy the hero because he’s a straight, white, able bodied, neurotypical, cis-man.

Regardless of everything else I was already tired of this type of movie. The ‘freaks’ can’t be the hero of their own story they need the handsome guy to do it for them. I wouldn’t have as big a problem with this movie if one of the marginalised people were the main character and Hugh Jackman was just helping them.

It gets worse because they add Zac Effron to it. I’ve got no problem with him as an actor but he’s just another straight, white, able bodied, neurotypical, cis-man taking away from the types of characters we rarely see. I see his type in movies everywhere. It’s boring.

And having one swanc-man handing his legacy over to another swanc-man just pisses me off. (swanc is straight, white, able bodied, neurotypical, cis-man but I can’t be bothered to keep typing it and I have a feeling it’s going to be a theme of next year too.)

I knew it was going to be bad just from the trailer. Having a song about empowerment play over Hugh Jackman setting up his ‘freak show’ made me roll my eyes. It wasn’t until I saw reviews and I realised this was based on a real guy who exploited disabled people for the amusement of the ‘normals’. That’s when my feelings towards this movie turned to hatred.

I know this isn’t a clear cut issue because some of the people back then who were exploited have a different opinion of their place in history. And I think their opinions matter more because they know their own experience.

If this movie acknowledged the harm that was done and not been so completely positive in favour of this conman then I might have been able to enjoy it a bit. As it is the musical numbers are no where near good enough to distract me from how it completely rewrites history in favour of an abusive man. In 2017 this is offensive.


Next I’m going to post my favourite movies of 2017 because I need to balance out the depressing with the positive.


Top 10 Most Anticipated Movies of 2016

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

10) Fantastic Beasts and where to find them

I love Harry Potter. These books were my childhood and I loved the movies but this feels like a cash in. Franchises are in at the moment and who ever owns the movie rights to Harry Potter has realised there’s lots more money to make here.

I have some hope because Rowling’s involved so it should be decent, but I don’t like Eddie Redmayne that much. I think he’s way over rated. Although I kind of liked him in Jupiter Ascending because his performance was so over the top and entertaining.

I want to like this so much and I just want more Harry Potter. There are so many stories to tell in that world and I’m disappointed that we are getting another lead who’s the typical lead for pretty much all Hollywood movies.


Batman v Superman

9)Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

This is another movie that I really want to like but I have a feeling that I won’t.

Mostly that’s down to Zac Snyder directing and the choices he makes. Like hiring an inexperienced actress to play Wonder Woman based on what she looks like rather than talent. I’ve got nothing against Gal Gadot, she’s an actress and this is her job, and I don’t like all the body shaming that went on when she was hired. I think the criticism should be on the choices Zak Snyder is making. Wonder woman is an icon and one of the most well known female super heroes ever. They should have got an actress who was really experienced to play her. Like they got Ben Affleck to play Batman. Instead they get a woman who’s not done a lot of acting and you know they hired her because she’s hot or pretty or sexy or what ever. When that shouldn’t be the basis for hiring the actress to play wonder woman.

And if they hadn’t made other sexist choices I probably wouldn’t be as sure about that but we still haven’t gotten a female led super hero movie where someone actually puts effort in to make a good movie. And that’s a criticism levelled at marvel as well.

But this is meant to be why I’m excited for this movie. Well all of the above is why this isn’t higher on my list. And this is only the second movie in the DC cinematic universe so they don’t have my trust yet.

What I’m excited for is Batman v Superman. I’m sceptical about how much I’ll like the movie but even the trailers are getting me excited. With Batman promising to make Superman bleed, and Superman destroying the bat-mobile just by letting it crash into him.

I’m hoping that even if I hate the overall movie there will be lots of awesome moments that I can get excited about. It doesn’t matter how many times I explain this movie to my dad, he still doesn’t believe Batman can fight Superman.


Suicide Squad

8)Suicide Squad

This is higher up my list than Batman v Superman because it’s not Zac Snyder directing but we still get Batman and the Joker. Add to that Harley Quinn and Will Smith playing one of them (I don’t know the DC universe that well). This looks exactly like my sort of movie. I’ve bought some of the comics so I’ve got a lot of reading to do.


Finding Dory

7)Finding Dory

I hope this won’t be one of those occasions where Dory was a good side character but only tolerable in small doses. A lot of people felt that way about Minions and while I liked the movie I get where they’re coming from.

I liked Finding Nemo but I don’t love it the way other people seem to and I’m pining all my hopes for this movie on one character. I love Ellen, and Pixar doesn’t usually make bad movies as long as you don’t count Cars.


Star Wars: Rogue One

6)Star Wars: Rogue One

After seeing The Force Awakens I’m fully on board with Star Wars in a way that I wasn’t before. Now I’m invested in these movies being good.

They’ve finally got characters I can relate to and care about. I don’t know all the details and things that happened in the other movies because I can’t remember and rewatching them isn’t a priority. But even I understand what stealing the Death Star plans means to the Star Wars universe.

I hope that some of the anthology movies explore different parts of the universe and get away from this one part.

There must be so many stories you could tell. I know they’ve decided to make all the books not canon anymore (as if it matters what they say, I’ve got my own head canon for most things I watch and get all fannish about so really that seems like a giant waste of time trying to dictate to me what is and isn’t canon) but there’s got to be some good stories in all those books.

I’m not that interested in a Han Solo movie, that’s exactly what we need, keep the Star Wars universe small and go back to it being about white straight cis gendered able bodied men. That list has a lot of adjectives they should choose to change at least one in their main characters.




A sci-fi movie with all female leads who are also really funny. I don’t know how they can screw this up to make me not like it.

All I can say is, it’s about time. About time that women were recognised as a legitimate part of the audience who have money they can spend. About time that a female lead is surrounded by other women and not just men. About time that all the whiny idiots get ignored and people realise that, like when women go see movies about men and can relate on some level to them because we are all human, so to can men go see movies about women and relate because women are also human.

All the controversy surrounding this movie is ridiculous and irrational but then no one ever said misogynists were rational.

The first Ghostbusters movie isn’t being taken away. You can still see it. And don’t worry the amount of male leads in the movies is still far ahead of the number of female leads. Just look at this list. I’d say most of them have male leads.

Although Finding Dory has Dory replacing Nemo so maybe they’ve got a point. Don’t worry though it’ll still be a few more years before we’ve replaced all the male parts with female ones.


Captain America: Civil War

4)Civil War

The last Captain America movie was so good and I want to like this one so much but the civil war story line in the comics was terrible. It was all over the place and inconsistent between different books. It was also when I stopped reading comics for a while.

I have mixed feelings about this because it can’t be the same story line as in the comics. None of them have secret identities so they’ve got to frame the issue a different way.

Also in the comics it was Iron man who was meant to be right. The pro registration side was the right side and cap was on the wrong side. But due to crappy management of the entire thing it didn’t across that way.

So it worries me that they’ve got the civil war story line in a Captain America movie. I’m not much of a fan of Steve Rogers. I hated Captain America: the first avenger and I didn’t much like him in Avengers Assemble either. He grew on me a little bit in the Winter Soldier. But now they’re pitting him against Tony Stark who’s one of my favourite super heroes and I don’t want to watch a movie where they make him the villain. He won’t be the main villain but he could be one of the bad guys.
Despite all that I love the marvel cinematic universe and I want to see what they’re going to do with it. I trust them enough to be fair to all the characters (unless it’s a female character then you’re screwed). And after seeing the trailer where Steve and Bucky fight Tony and Tony cradles a broken Rhodey I’ve got to admit I’m getting excited.

The directors are the same guys who did Winter Soldier and who are going to be doing Avengers: Infinity Wars part 1 and 2. So I have a lot invested in liking this movie.


The Conjuring 2

3)The conjuring 2

The first one was so good. A horror movie where I actually care about the characters shouldn’t be something different and new but so many horror movies have awful characters and I can’t wait for them to die. So there’s no tension and it just becomes a guessing game of who’s going to get it first.

The Conjuring actually had characters I liked and where as most horror movie franchises seem to be based on the villains (Freddie kruger, Jason, Michael Myers) these are based around the Warrens who are the heroes.

It’s a good basis for a franchise and I can’t think of any other horror movies that have done this. There’s scream but Sidney doesn’t go out looking for serial killers to fight. They find her.

Anabelle was a huge disappointment and a giant step back for the franchise but there were so many people in the cinema when I went to see it and that’s unusual for a horror movie.


X-men: Apocalypse

2)X-men: Apocalypse

Days of future past is one of the best super hero movies ever so I’ve got really high expectations, especially with Bryan Singer back as the Director. Jennifer Lawrence is back as Mystique and it’s Hugh Jackman’s last time as wolverine in an X-men movie.

I’m so excited for the apocalypse story line. X-men was what got me into comics. I used to watch the cartoon and then one day I saw an X-men comic in amongst the magazines. I didn’t buy them consistently until I was older and had a part time job but I was always on the lookout for X-men stuff.

Apocalypse is such a good villain and so far Bryan Singer hasn’t made a bad X-men movie for some inexplicable reason, despite making some really bad movies.




He’s one of my favourite super heroes and I didn’t think we’d ever get a movie about him because it’s Deadpool. He’s violent and a lot of what he says isn’t for kids so to get a good Deadpool movie you need it to be more adult and that cuts out all the kids they want to make money out of.

Blade is the only adult super hero movie I can think of and it’s a bit old now. So this will be refreshing to have a different sort of super hero movie for a change because I doubt the rest of them will be anything unique.

The director has also confirmed that Deadpool is pansexual so this will be the first super hero movie with a queer main character. At all. I’m not just talking about being the main title hero. I can’t think of any queer character in any super hero movies. Or science fiction movies. Or fantasy movies (I’m going to do some research. There’s got to be one). So it’s kind of a big deal.

Of course he’s got a girlfriend in the trailer so I don’t know how much he’ll be expressing his sexuality. I doubt we’ll get much, if anything that will make it impossible for other people to deny it. That’s how I judge representation now. If it’s only implied and can be denied by some bigot then it’s not good enough. We’re in 2016 it’s time to stop pandering to the bigots.

The only thing that’s making me apprehensive is if his sexuality is a joke. Because that seems to be the only time when sexuality, other than heterosexuality, is allowed to be expressed. To make the male straight audience uncomfortable and so they laugh.

Can this movie not be homophobic? Or biphobic? Or panphobic? It’s really not a lot to ask.

I’d like to come out the other side of this movie not feeling like shit. It can be a bad movie (I’ll probably still enjoy it) but can it not be homophobic. They’ve got my hopes up by actually being aware that other sexualities exist beyond straight. I so want to like this movie.

They’ve got the marketing for this movie so right. They obviously understand Deadpool in a way that the creators of X-men Origins: Wolverine didn’t.

Review: Jurassic World


Two brothers visit Jurassic World for the first time. Their Aunt Claire runs the park and they haven’t seen her for quite a while. This also happens to be the time when the new hybrid dinosaur gets so smart it hatches a plan to escape. So now there’s 20,000 people on the island with the brothers lost in the park and the hybrid dinosaur hunting for sport.


I spent the first part of the movie waiting for that moment that would be similar to seeing the dinosaurs for the first time in Jurassic Park and it never came.
This movie’s biggest problem is there’s no sense of wonder with the dinosaurs but that does make it fit what the movie is about. Which is getting bored with things and wanting bigger better faster.
It’s fitting since it’s a movie where a boy is more interested in his phone than in the dinosaurs. This movie feels like a criticism of sequels having to be bigger and have higher stakes than the last. Because if that’s what makes a sequel good then Jurassic World succeeded.
This time it’s 20,000 people instead of a handful and the hybrid is bigger than a T-Rex and smarter. But it’s not a good movie. It’s an okay movie. So by failing to be as good as the first it proves it’s point that bigger is not always better.
The dinosaurs are the only redeeming factor of this movie because the characters certainly aren’t interesting. I think they knew they didn’t have to try to get people to go see this. All they had to do was create an okay movie and people would see it. In huge numbers apparently because it’s broken the box office.
I like the hybrid dinosaur but it’s presented as irredeemably evil because it hunts for sport not to eat. This is so we don’t feel bad when they decide it’s got to die.
But if hunting for sport is the deciding factor for if something is evil then there’s a whole load of humans who need to die. But what else can you expect from a Jurassic Park movie. The first one was great but on top of all the questionable science it had a greedy lawyer who got eaten on a toilet.
I think all of the movies demonised people in suits. Apart form the third one. There they get rescued by a guy in a suit on a beach with a megaphone. My point is that morality is very black and white in the Jurassic Park universe.
In this movie you know who’s going to die but it’s still fun seeing how bad he’s going to get before that happens and how exactly it will happen. Hopefully in the most ironic way possible but I’m not that picky. As long as he dies by dinosaur I’m good.
I think the science is better this time round. Actually let me rephrase that. I think the questions around the implications of the science are better this time round. The first one didn’t seem to understand what scientists do. Which is to use other scientists research and build on it to create progress.
I don’t have a problem with cloning animals as long as they aren’t suffering. They’re not people, they don’t have identities so they’re not going to have an identity crisis when they realise they’ve been cloned.
The only question raised in Jurassic Park that had any merit was when Doctor Saddler questions putting dinosaurs into an ecosystem that’s been without them for millions of years.
Where as Jurassic World deals with what happens when you mix two species. That’s two sets of instincts hardwired into the hybrid’s brain. What would happen? I don’t think they delved into that enough. I think it would be fascinating to explore the instincts of the dinosaurs that got mixed and how it creates conflict. But I guess the hybrid is mentally unstable if that’s what they’re implying with the whole killing for sport thing. It’s hard to tell what’s caused this behaviour because it’s also been raised in isolation and so doesn’t have any manners any way.
The main character is a career woman and she doesn’t want children and the movie treats that as bad. It’s a lot of sexist crap that’s very annoying.
Chris Pratt pretty much plays Star Lord again but without the dance off. Watching Guardians of the galaxy I felt let down by having the hero be the same hero you see everywhere. But I don’t feel as let down this time because I wasn’t expecting a movie that would break the expectations of the genre.
After all this is a dinosaur movie it’s going to be stuck in the past. There’s going to be criticism of the strong career woman who doesn’t want kids and needs a man to make her life complete. This isn’t too bad it’s in the background. It all gets overshadowed by the dinosaurs thankfully. They’re both likable enough that you’re not rooting for them to die.
We also get a bit of a reverse on the trope of the man saves the woman and she kisses him because she realises she loves him. Basically the woman acting as a prize for the man’s heroism. It’s only a very small moment though in a movie that otherwise keeps the gender roles strict.
Of the two brothers the little brother is the one who likes the dinosaurs and the older brother is such an ungrateful little sod at getting to see dinosaurs that I’ve completely sided with the littler one. I refuse to learn their names. I don’t know what the kids in the first one are called and I don’t care here either. They were just there to get uptight career woman into the park so we can all laugh at the stupid woman running around chasing dinosaurs in heels.
I don’t know why I’m being quite so sarcastic about this movie because despite it’s problems I enjoyed it. It was never going to top the first one but it beats the other sequels by a lot.
This movie is for you if you like dinosaurs and want to see obviously immoral people get eaten. You don’t need to see the previous movies ( you should have seen Jurassic Park ) but there are little easter eggs that it’s enjoyable to spot and one returning character that I enjoyed watching. There’s also set up for a sequel but I’m not sure where exactly they’re going to go with it.

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Review: San Andreas


The Rock vs. An earthquake.


It’s every predictable disaster movie I’ve ever seen. Right up to the Rock being estranged form his wife and she’s moving on with another man. I wonder how that will turn out. And his daughter is far away and isolated and they have to go save her.
It’s a very entertaining movie I’ve just seen this before. The Rock’s always likable though and he’s good in this. A lot better than other main characters I’ve seen in disaster movies. All the other characters did fine too. There was no one who was terrible.
The special effects were very good. You believe those buildings are collapsing and the entire street is moving like a wave.
The biggest problem I have with it is it tries to take itself too seriously. The scientist guy is a fine character but I don’t need him to science babble up a reason for why it’s happening. I just want to watch the Rock saving people from destruction (which is another problem I’m going to talk about in a bit). And ultimately the scientist guy’s story goes no where. An evacuation happens because of him but I don’t think it did that much.
So the Rock is playing a guy who saves people from dangerous situations and that’s how he’s able to go save his daughter. It makes it plausible because he’s got a helicopter and lots of saving people skills. The only problem is he ignores everyone else in order to save his daughter.
I think he saves one other person in the movie after the earthquake starts that’s not family. As he’s flying in his helicopter to go save his daughter all I’m thinking is aren’t you on call or something. Isn’t it your job to save all those people back there in that ruined city. He saves his wife from the rooftop and doesn’t even try to help anyone else. He’s not much of a hero.
The other problem is that the movie seems to think it needs a bad guy. Or that we need a bad guy to hate. We don’t, there’s enough conflict with the earthquake. We never need a bad guy in these sorts of movies. And if you’re going to have a bad guy he needs more screen time and to be a hindrance to the heroes. Otherwise there’s no point to him. The end of his story was predictable but amusing. At least they tried to make him a person at the beginning instead of the evil caricature he turned into.
The ending is good but stretched my suspension of disbelief too far.
Then we get the funniest scene in the movie as the camera pans across the destruction and a lone American flag unfurls. I laughed out loud. I know American’s are patriotic and the flag was everywhere after 9/11 but this seems a strange place to put it. Did the earthquake insult America?
Overall I enjoyed myself and it was fun movie. All the standard disaster movie tropes didn’t make it an awful movie but I think it’s only worth seeing if there’s nothing else to watch.
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Movie Review: Mad Max: Fury Road


“In a stark desert landscape where humanity is broken, two rebels just might be able to restore order: Max, a man of action and of few words, and Furiosa, a woman of action who is looking to make it back to her childhood homeland.” There’s more information about the movie at IMDB.


This movie is everything good about the post apocalyptic genre and I was really excited for it. I’ve only seen the first Mad Max so you don’t need to watch any of them to get this movie.

There aren’t a lot of narrative twists and turns. It’s pretty much what the trailers promised. Solid relentless action for two hours. It’s chaotic but you still know what’s going on and who’s attacking who. That’s usually my biggest complaint with action movies, not being able to see what’s going on or figuring out where everyone is.

The choreography of the action is amazing and imaginative and a lot of it was practical stunt work. The way the camera swings around just makes the entire thing flow beautifully.

It had me completely sucked in and caring about the characters even though there’s very little character development done through dialogue. It’s all done through the way people act and the choices they make. As it should be.

Not a lot is explained in this movie. It’s all done through the set design and costumes. It’s the little details that make the world building brilliant. How the cars are modified to be more suited for battle and that even as the war rig breaks they never stop to fix it. They fix it as they’re moving.

We’ve seen this story before and we know the character motives but it’s the action that makes it different. And the fact that the person who saves the women is a woman. Charlize Theron plays Imperator Furiosa and it’s more her story of hope and redemption than Max’s. He helps them but they don’t need as much help as you’d think.

I understand now why all the men’s rights activists hate this movie. It’s women helping women and it passes the Bechdel test. There wasn’t one of those moments when I roll my eyes and wish women had better roles in movies. Other than damsel in distress. Here You’ve got pregnant women and older women saving people and fighting for their own freedom.

There’s a sense of desperation throughout the entire movie. From the people at the beginning who worship Imorten Joe as some sort of god who brings them water to later when they realise there’s no where left to go. What’s the point in going on? Why would you want to survive? That’s what I found myself thinking half way through the movie. Everyone is struggling to stay alive but what for. What sort of future can they have? And ultimately it’s about what ever hope you manage to find has to be flexible enough that it can change with your circumstances. You have to find something to live for.

If you like post apocalyptic craziness you’ll like it or if you’re looking for a good action movie. Don’t see it in 3D though there’s no point. There’s only one moment at the end when it looks like a guitar flies out of the screen that I remembered it was meant to be in 3D.

This is going to be one of my top films of the year and it’s now one of my favourite action movies ever. I highly recommend it.

I’m going to watch it again because I know there’s stuff I missed the first time but first I’m going to watch Road Warrior and Beyond Thunderdome.

Also there’s this brilliant mash-up of the opening to the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and Mad Max: Fury Road. It works surprisingly well.

Previous Review: Avengers Age of Ultron                                                        Next Review: Tomorrowland

My 10 favourite movies of 2013

I tried to come up with a list of 20 movies but when I googled what came out last year it turns out I didn’t see as many films as I usually do at the cinema.

I’ve posted a list of the fantasy, science fiction and superhero movies out this year with the dates that they come out. I’m going to try and see most of them.Then I might be able to make a top 20 list of my favourite movies of 2014.

 This list might change if I get around to watching any other movies of 2013. But that’ll be a separate list and I’ll link to it.

10) The Croods

I love the beginning of this movie where it’s focused on Eep and her being frustrated by her family. Even the love interest is funny because he can’t escape them.

Half way through though it switches to being about the dad and that’s where I remember my attention slipping. I haven’t seen this since the cinema so I’m going from memory.

It also had aspects I didn’t like. The relationship  between the dad and the grandmother was very similar to every other relationship between husband and mother in law out there . Which is probably what they were going for but I didn’t like it. These things  are what makes it so low on the list.


9) The world’s end

The world’s end is not as good as Shaun of the dead or Hot fuzz but they are pretty hard to beat.

This has it’s funny moments and Nick Frost gets to play the straight man to Simon Pegg’s quirky loser which is usually the other way round.

I love the ending. It has a certain Shaun of the dead feel in that bad stuff happens but the world goes on regardless.

8) Monster’s university

I don’t usually like prequels to movies we’ve already seen because we’ve seen the characters move on from where they were and it feels like going backwards. Which it is.

But this does it very well. It’s obvious what’s going to happen but it doesn’t feel boring. It helps that I like these characters and you want to see more of them.

7) Frozen

This was a step in the right direction for Disney. We finally get a queen who’s not evil and it’s the relationship between the sisters that’s important.

This would be higher on my list but there are a few problems with it. The biggest is an annoying talking snowman who is utterly pointless to the story.

6) The wolverine

The wolverine beats origins but then that’s not hard. This is a good film let down by the ending which wasn’t particularly bad it just didn’t have any impact on me and had a twist that they set themselves up for failure with.

This is the wolverine that we should have got in the first spin off. It focuses on  him with only a few other mutants. The ending also ties into X-men: Days of future past with what may be my favourite cameos.

5) The conjuring

This is a horror film where you actually care about the characters because they’re not all awful people.

I do enjoy watching bad horror movies with awful characters because I like guessing when they are going to die and getting infuriated with the stupid things they do. But they are not that fun to watch by yourself. This film however is fun  to watch by yourself because you care about the characters and the story is compelling.

It made me jump quite a bit which is also quite good to have in a  horror movie.

4) Thor: The dark world

It’s better than the first Thor in a lot of ways. More Loki, funnier and fast paced.

But Jane is still boring and the most unlikely scientist ever. The villain didn’t have any impact either which is a shame considering it was Christopher Eccleston.

I’ve basically put this so high because of Loki and Thor’s double act. They were brilliant together.

3) The hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

The time passed so quickly even though it was almost three hours long.

Smaug was brilliant with so much personality. I’m not sure why I’m surprised by this considering these are the people who brought us Gollum. Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman always have good chemistry and the scenes between Bilbo and Smaug are some of the best moments. Much like Bilbo and Gollum in An unexpected journey.

It has the perfect cliffhanger ending that makes me hate waiting a year.

2) Hunger games 2: Catching fire

 Jennifer Lawrence is what makes this film as good as it is. Katniss needed to be played by someone who could convey so much with just a look. You feel for her as she tries to protect her family and still do what’s right.

The love triangle is down played if it even is a love triangle. Katniss has got more important things to worry about. I like that a female character gets to have problems that aren’t about what boy she likes.


1) Iron man 3

Iron man 3 was my favourite movie of 2013. Tony Stark is my favourite marvel character so I’m quite biased.

I’ve read a lot of the graphic novels and the whole mandarin thing didn’t bother me. Which seemed to be the thing that divided people on it and made people not like it. They are creating their own universe and things will be different.

I think this is my favourite end credit scene of all the Marvel movies even though it doesn’t advance any plot in any way.

Upcoming movies 2014

I managed to miss quite a few movies that I wanted to see last year so here’s a list of all the fantasy, science fiction and superhero movies coming out in 2014.

I’m going to try as watch as many as I can in the cinema but quite a few of them come out close together.

I, Frankenstein comes out on January 29th. Modern updated Frankenstein who doesn’t actually look like a monster just has a couple of scars. He’s caught between two immortal clans who are fighting an endless war. It looks like it might be a good action movie but that’s all the trailer makes it look like.

Robocop comes out on February 7th. It’s been almost 20 years since the original which I haven’t seen and I’m not sure I’m going to try to see it before this comes out. Unless it’s on netflix.

The lego movie comes out on February 14th. I can’t wait for this. It looks so funny with so many characters I love. I love the lego video games.

Vampire Academy comes out on February 19th. This could be good because it looks like they’re making fun of that whole young adult novel to movie genre. There are two female leads so hopefully it will focus on their friendship.

Welcome to yesterday comes out on February 21st. This does not look good. Most time travel plots don’t work out that well. The trailer did not impress me.

300: Rise of an empire comes out on March 7th. The first one I liked because of how ridiculous it was and it was entertaining to watch with squeamish people. This seems very unnecessary. I will probably go see it but I’m not hoping for much.

 Captain America: The winter soldier comes out  on March 28. I didn’t like the first Captain America probably because I have a dislike of the way the character is written sometimes. But this looks like it’s going to be good. They’ve taken inspiration from political thrillers and I like that each of the Marvel movies gets their own feel. Black widow is also in it and I hope she’s written as well as she was in Avengers and she doesn’t go back to being the sex object that she was in Iron man 2.

Muppets: most wanted also comes out on March 28. I love the muppets and the trailer has some really funny moments. I hope they aren’t the only funny parts. There are also a whole load of cameos.

Divergent an adaption of a young adult novel comes out April 4. It’s got a female lead and is science fiction so it’s being compared to Hunger games. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I liked the Hunger games. And if we can have hundreds of movies where some white straight muscly guy gets into fights and blows stuff up why can’t we have another film about a girl in a future world who rebels against the government. It looks different enough to be entertaining.

Amazing Spiderman 2 out on April 18.

Transcendence comes out on April 25th.

Godzilla out on  May 16. I hope it’s better than the last Godzilla movie that’s not a high bar.

X-men: Days of future past out on May 22. I can’t wait. I didn’t like first class that much but the original X-men movies I love. And no matter what I love a cross over. Even if there are loads of continuity errors between the movies. I can ignore that because it’s unlikely I’ll watch first class again. But we get to see Ian Mckellen and Patrick Stuart again. This has also got to be one of the most difficult movies to describe where it comes in the franchise. It’s a sequel to First class but it’s a prequel and sequel to X-men and the wolverine. I think that’s right.

Maleficient out on May 30.

How to train your dragon 2 out on July 4. I need to watch the first one because I’ve heard good things. And it’s Dreamworks so I’m more likely to like it.

Transformers 4 comes out on July 10th. I really have no faith that this is going to be good. I can’t stand Michael Bay at this point with what he’s doing to Teenage mutant ninja turtles. Also the whole racist and misogynist thing is getting old. Get rid of Michael Bay and reboot the entire thing.

Dawn of the planet of the apes out on July 17. I didn’t like the first one but more Andy Serkis is  always good. The trailer is brilliant. I think it’s the part of me that likes to watch films where the world is in chaos that likes this.

Jupiter ascending out on July 25. Looks like it’s going to be good if only because it’s made by the creators of The matrix.

Guardians of the galaxy out on August 1. I’m looking forward to this. Marvel’s taking a risk and I hope it’s good. I plan on reading the comics before watching the movie but I tend to fail at these sorts of things.

Hercules comes out on August 8th.

Intersteller out on November 7. Christopher Nolan wrote it so it’s going to have a legion of fan boys defending it.

Hunger games: Mockingjay part 1 out on November 21. I am so looking forward to this. I can’t decide if I want to read the book or not. I read the first book and it was alright and I’ll probably read the second but I might watch the films first. They are better than the books.

The hobbit out on December 19. This is the end of Peter Jackson’s middle earth because I really doubt he’s going to adapt the Silmarillion. This film has got a lot to do and we get more Smaug and the end of that cliffhanger.

Night at the museum 3 comes out on December 26th. I really need to watch the first two before I  see this. I never really got around to it and I’m going to watch them before I research this film. And at this point it’s such a long way off that they haven’t released a plot synopsis yet.

I’ve probably missed a few but there’s only so many times I can go to the cinema in a year.